By Elizabeth Badejo
Marriage is a beautiful thing that requires hard work, commitment, and perseverance to sustain love and value the relationship. However, when couples decide to dissolve their marriage, managing the impact on themselves and their loved ones, especially their children, can be challenging.
In Nigeria, marital separation is on the rise, and divorce has become more common compared to times when elderly family members played a more significant role in conflict resolution. Several mistakes made during the process of separation or divorce can cause significant emotional turmoil and affect both the couple and their families.
Threatening Behaviour
A common mistake is threatening a spouse with separation to make them feel vulnerable. This is often seen in toxic marriages where one person feels unsafe. While separation might be necessary for well-being, the decision can leave the other spouse feeling confused, disappointed, and rejected if they are not emotionally prepared. It is crucial for both parties to think through their decision carefully.
Contentious Decisions
Rushing into a new relationship before fully recovering from the previous one can be a major mistake. While separating from a loved one creates a vacuum, bringing someone new into your life can make the situation contentious, especially if children are involved. Children may experience emotional turbulence, and seeing a new partner can deepen their apprehensions and confusion.
Revengeful and Irrational Behaviour
Marital separation can evoke feelings of anger, bitterness, and resentment. Some individuals may disclose confidential information about their spouse or act irrationally towards one another. This behavior can extend to friends and family perceived as disloyal, significantly impacting relationships built over the years. Turning against loved ones is a grievous mistake during this period.
Falsehood and Manipulation
Children should not be made to take responsibility for the failure of adults in their lives. Seeking empathy and support from children or sharing false information about marital challenges can paint one parent as a betrayal. Exposing children to such information can harm their emotional health and well-being. Parents must protect their children from the adverse effects of their separation.
Conclusion
Marital separation is a difficult process that requires careful consideration and emotional maturity. Avoiding these common mistakes can help minimize the impact on all parties involved, especially the children. It is essential to navigate this challenging time with sensitivity and respect for each other’s feelings and well-being.
